


I. King Fran Petty, The Author, writes about Wander

by KingFranPetty



Category: Wander Over Yonder (Cartoon)
Genre: Author Commentary, Dirty Thoughts, Fiction, Fluff without Plot, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I talk to you about Wander, Meta, No Plot/Plotless, Pansexual Character, Talking, The Author Regrets Everything, Xenophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 11:21:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17548733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingFranPetty/pseuds/KingFranPetty
Summary: What?  He's a good man. Why not go on a rant about him?





	I. King Fran Petty, The Author, writes about Wander

I like pumpkins. Green top, orange rest. Just looks great. I like aliens. They aren't ever gonna be blood related to me. They are smart enough to do space junk, or you'd think so. Any people who could do space junk are probably more well put and well minded, far beyond our status right now. If you see an alien, they didn't travel 100 light years for nothing. Somehow something about you or on this planet has to be important enough to make such a travel worth it. They are inheritly different from what you or I could understand, xeno after all. Beyond all those factors, aliens have an appeal to them that I just can't put to words for some reason at this moment. Now. Wander, Tumbleweed, Sunshine Banjo Face, whatever you call him. He's a kind, heroic, bunch of sunny smiles that wants to help you and be your friend. What's not to like? Possible deeper inside darkness but even if it does exist he'd never harm you? Check. Dumb yet smart? Check. Skilled? Yes. Has flaws? Sure I'm blind to any of them but somewhere they exist. 

Now I get the appeal of the dark side. I really do. But sugar is sweet. Sweet treats are useful and tasty. This isn't regular old, eat too much of this sugar and die in 50 years, nah it's basically healthly sugar. That's super cool. Imagine it now, all the sugar you could want without threats to death. It's beauty untapped. Bad boys come and go. Leave ya feeling worse off when they ride away on their bikes never to look bad. Evil rips out your soul and doesn't tip well in the aftermath. Sure, Lord Dominate me is smoking but she'll never love you back. She even rejected Wander. What chance in hell does anyone else think they could possibly have? Think she's drop the lock around that frozen steel cage her hearts stuck in just by playing her ballgame a few times? Nope. Just like grease hair and his motorcycle she'd be gone forever by next day, if you are so lucky enough not to wake up to your death bed on ground zero planet. 

Evil that seeks no redemption does not want to be your partner in crime, or your girlfriend, or the broken bird you save, they never loved you back. Can you tell I felt extremely betrayed by 'I'm the bad guy'? Cause I still do. But back to Wander. He is orange and green. Like a pumpkin. He has a star. Like space. I like space. If there was a goddess of space, and she look like space. I'd fall on the dime right there. No question. Any spacey looking form in fact. Heck I already told you about how much I like aliens. That's proof enough. Also Wander is like Bugs Bunny. Why is that appealing? Cartoons and Cartoon logic but I'm not talking about that. Right now I'm talking about the fact he cross dresses. I like men in dresses, okay? Men look cute and pretty in dresses. They just do. That is okay. That's great. Wander does it well. I really don't want to step on any toes of anyone I might like. Because I'm not 100% on if what I think isn't true. Never mind, I'll move on to avoid an clumsy footed mistakes. 

So Wander is physically and socially top notch. Emotional support is great. Smiley, happy, friendly, yes good. He's willing to share how he feels is needing a little help to fully open on some more negative things. That all creates a lot of emotional and mental magnetic pull. Stability yet unpredictable. Whole damn package in a neat bow, even gift wrapped at that. So... Time to con. With all these awesome stuff, it'd get rather dull even with unpredictable adventures and fun things. Flaws must exist. Perfection does not exist in any form. If such a horror were true, I'd destroy it personally to save us all. So Wander must be flawed for I don't want to destroy him. To those problems. Wander is stupid yet smart. Dumb sweetheart is really near the top spot for flaws fused by goods on my list. Ya see, he only appears like a bumble head because he's actually not a jerk. It seems a popular trope to say someone is superior intelligent and claim their cruelty as proof. Everyone mocks the hufflepuff. 

Here's the thing those are all missing, soft is also strength. Kindness is strong. Sweetness can be a power. If you were really smarter, you'll get that heart is a good power. Here's a weakness, impulsive obsessive. Wander pushes every new shiny bright red button. He has to open the box to see what's inside. He can't help but laugh at the butt planet of farts and poop even when the galaxy is at stake. He will eat like a pig at the fancy dinner restaurant unless he has focus on something. Wander has to be doing something he enjoys or he gets... Stressful and messy. Another crack to imperfections. Even if that theories to the possibility of EVIL laying just under the surface are all completely totally hogwash, there's one thing that could break the warmth and sunny daze. He gets stressed by not doing things he likes. Not adventuring. Not being helpful. Not giving to impulse. Not being who he wants to be. It cracks his own head like glass. And when Wander breaks down, it's not wonderful to see. As they say, "Protect this smile." 

The lifestyle choice isn't long term appealing either for me at least. Sure, the idea of doing space junk is bomb bomb diggity. Leaving my life of hardships and this place might just be the kicker I need to heal and grow. Having the ability to move along and go do my goal of being useful to many would rock my mcfucking socks to the moon. Personally, I couldn't do that long term. I would burn out on social alone after at best a day. I doubt that my being human is any better for surviving alone. I'd break down to lacking all my stupid little comforts. I'd ignore my own needs if not reminded or convenient, mostly cause I cannot care for my needs. Not to point out my own problems. Short term thinking, I'd drop everything to go. Long term, no matter how much I want it that's not panning out. Then factor in the whole, life is always in danger. Just won't work. Hits my heart to shatter the whole thing. 

There are lots of imperfections here. Possibly more than I've named off. Still even with all that in mind and more so, I say Wander is the best high quality hit to be so far. Checks the marks on the boxes. Pushes the right button to open every time without fail. Could be the warm sunlight I need but he's not real in my universe and even if he was I can't dance with him for too long or I'd drop to push a daisy. By the by, his hat is kicking. Anything you need and looks nice to my tasteless tastes. In the show itself, wars has been frought and doomsday brought in the want for that giant, floppy, green, star buckled, hat. The whole wide world, no universe could bend at the knee of the hat if you know how. Yet, here's loilpop. Not a want from him with his sleeping bag hat. I only have imaginary godly powers due to Writer but I can't even run a storyline without my fumbles on power tripping my every step. 

I only recognized my capacity for envy existed a few years ago. I wish I could be so great as our Orange spoon. Or to hold something so pure without breaking it in my life for my whole life. Speaking of which, damn do I miss this show. If I had Cheddar, I'd be paying one McDuck money pool to the overflow for more. Unfortunately this universe is limited and I cannot afford such coin. The feelings are numb and dull nowadays. I just can't reach to the point of what use to be it seems. Even when I try to get back. It just won't be as strong as I remember or thought. The other shows roll the curtains and I don't have it anymore. What will be the next big show that I'll watch? Will I even get the oof to bother watching it or will I sit aside to watch the fandom instead? This is one of the reasons I miss Wander so much. To feel joyful, to angst, to be betrayed, to be conflicted by ships, to the end, to feel all the way. It's likely I wouldn't return to 201something. I wouldn't want to suffer as I did then but I want adjectives and verbs from the past. Is happiness a noun?


End file.
